Wobbles of Wimbledon Common are we

At this time I think that everyone needs to be forgiven the occasional wobble. Whether we realise or not we are all dealing with a time of grief. Worse than this it is a kind of nebulous grief which is not attached to a single person nor any one thing. We are grieving for people we are no longer able to see, we are grieving human contact, we are grieving freedom, we are grieving our work, or routine and our former lives! We are also grieving the lost imagined future. No matter how we might rationalise it or compare it to the situation of others, our grief does not care. It is unique and individual and will punch you in the guts when you are least expecting it. I could talk a lot about how God is with us in our grieving and indeed that is where we will find God but we can let our grieving be about us. I will not tell you that to have God in your life means you will not feel the sting of grief because it is just not true.

I am a minister who lives day by day fully relying on God to keep me going but grief still comes to me.a

Almost 2 years ago now my brother took his own life and I have been grieving ever since. I can tell myself that it shouldn’t be bothering me this much because I hardly saw or spoke to him if I am honest. My grief does not care about that.

I can tell myself that for those whom he was present with on a daily basis will miss him more and he will have left a bigger hole in their lives. My grief does not care.

I can tell myself that other members of my family are having a harder time with this than I am because I have a job and my family and m faith. My grief does not care.

I can tell myself that it has almost been 2 years now and so much other stuff has happened since then. My grief does not care.

I still find myself thinking when I’m back in the midlands, I could call in a visit. Then I remember.

I still find myself seeing some goofy Star Wars trinket and think I could get that for his birthday or Christmas. Then I remember.

I still hear about boxing events, or the Cannes Film festival or some famous person’s bodyguard and wonder if he is involved in that. Then I remember.

I remember and it is like a gut punch. This is grief. Time and self-care help to limit the effects but it is still there, lurking. You are in a new normal and it takes time to come to terms with this.

The effects of this bloody virus are causing us all to grieve.

It is no good saying that you haven’t lost someone to it, or that you aren’t on the frontline or that you are not “at risk.” We have all lost something and we are all united in this story, we are all grieving for our lost normal and our lost future.

It, is, OKAY.

You are allowed to feel grief when you realise you can’t just pop into town and mooch around the shops. You are allowed to feel grief that you are unable to hug a friend. You are allowed to feel grief that you are out of chocolate. You are allowed to feel grief that something has been cancelled. You are allowed to feel grief. We all feel it with you.

Everyone can have a wobble, everyone should have a wobble. We are wobbly people now. But we are wobbling together. God is with us, even in our wobbling.